For decades women have been meeting up in hair salons and sharing their successes and woes over a roller set, wash, perm, or blowout. I question if the same bonding occurred in their homes with their children over the grease and cornrows. Now, I can only talk from my experience and say that in the past when my daughters sat down to comb their hair there was no bonding to be had during the experience. If I recall correctly there were tears shed, shouts of “Oweeee you pulling to hard”, cries of are we done yet and me feeling frustrated that I even had to attempt to make this hair look cute LOL. I can look back on those times now and laugh but there was no laughter in my voice back then.
In my journey to embrace my natural roots (ha see the pun) I have found a new way to bond with my daughters and yes even my son. It seems that everyone in my household is interested in what I say about our hair and what I buy to put in our hair. All of a sudden even my 15 year old son (Emil) has opted to no longer cut his hair short and wear waves but is working on obtaining a neatly packaged afro. It is amazing how much I learn from my daughters while sitting at my makeup/hair vanity while my 12 year old (Eshae’) and I moisturize our hair and prepare it for bed. My 17 year old (Elisa who is permed) has all of a sudden gotten out of her “its all about me, matter of fact teenage attitude” to join us at night and watch and engage in the more than interesting conversations that occur around our hair rituals.
As a single parent with three active kids most of the times I feel like I am running a well oiled machine and not a household, always having to keep a tight schedule between football practice, dance practice, basketball practice, volleyball practice, track practice and lets not talk about the appearances and games. I get tired already just writing about it. It seemed to me that there was never enough time in the day to talk to the kids I mean really talk. Of course I took every opportunity to ask how school is, do you guys want to share anything, but most of these questions were asked in my car on the way to or from school, work or any given activity.
My natural hair journey has not only given me an exciting and educational way to learn more about myself but it has also open the door for me to bond with my children. We sit at the table every night and my daughters tell me so many simple things about their day, some funny some that raise a red flag and alert me that I have to pull out the mommy card and nudge them in the right direction. Through our nightly hair ritual I have been able to become a better listener, my kids feel more relaxed to share, and I am better equipped with the necessary information to ensure that my parenting skills stay on point.
So you see, its just not hair! It’s just not about to perm or not to perm for me its all about bonding. It’s about being able to create that comradeship that you find so often in a beauty salon amongst women of all walks of life and social and economic backgrounds within my home with my children.
So, I welcome you to the Aska natural hair corner where you can sit run some coconut oil through your stresses, relax, and share your day experiences freely.